Most frogs, and humans too, have had a time where their self-esteem was at a low. Perhaps you've been overlooked for a promotion, or been "dumped" by a beau. Perhaps you've been denied a bank loan, or been told off by a freind. We've all gone through these things but, for some of us, we bounce right back while others become stuck in the quagmire of self-doubt. So, how does a frog, and human, get past these limiting thoughts and move on to become their best version of themselves...their true self? For answers, I consulted one of my favorite resources for inspiration, tinybuddha.com. Here's a synopsis what they had to say on the subject of "Overcoming Low Sef-Esteem."
lyanla Vanzant said, and I couldn't agree more, "Everything that happens to you is a reflection of what you believe about yourself. We cannot outperform our level of self-esteem. We cannot draw to ourselves more than we think we are worth." We are all smart, funny, good-hearted, and decent people who have a great deal to offer the world. Why is it, then, that we feel otherwise; that we can't (or won't) share our greatness with others? Who suffers more from low self-esteem, the outgoing, positive person and frog, or the quiet and shy ones? If you think it's obvious that us going-going types have a higher self-esteem, you'd be wrong! Are you suprised? I was when I first read this. True self-confidence comes from deep inside us and isn't always a reflection of what we show to the world. Think of all the quiet, yet powerful people, you've met in your life. And consider the Dali Lama, Mother Therea (when she was still with us), and Pope Francis. All of them are quiet unassuming people with great love, compassion, and a wonderful sense of who they are and their inherent worth.
The Tiny Buddha tells us that that, sadly, there is no magic pill that can give us a quick fix for our self-esteem problem. Like everything else worth having, it's a slow process but well-worth the effort.
1. Be your authentic self; don't pretend to be be something your not just to please someone else. This will never get you anywhere. It may, for a short time, but your inner thoughts will always start to seep through. In the end, you end up looking foolish...or, worse yet, thought of as a fake.
2. Learn to say no; Say what you mean and mean what you say. You don't have to be rude about it, simply be firm and decisive. You'll get more respect this way.
3. Grant yourself permission to make mistakes; vow to learn from them. Nobody's perfect. Not you. Not me. So why beat yourself up when you make a mistake? Truly confident people allow mistakes to show them what doesn't work; then they forget the incident and move on with a new "plan." Hanging on to the fear of failure can be fatal to your self-esteem.
4. Take responsibilities for your actions. Don't make excuses for you you did, or didn't do, or say. Accept your actions with grace, stop the regrets, and focus your attention on the repair. It's important that we be prepared to say, "I'm sorry (and mean it) and how can I fix it?"
5. Help others. Helping others boosts our self-esteem even more than brains, beauty, fame, and fortune can...even if you have them all! When we stop worrying about just ourselves, and start to think of others, we gain a new perspective on the world. We develop an "attitude of gratitude." Give of yourself freely. You'll get back far more than you ever thought you needed! And watch your self-esteem soar!
6. Immerse yourself in whatever you decide to do. Stop worrying about your choices.
Either do something, or don't. It's up to you, but if you choose to try something, quit second-guesing your choice. Vacillating between should I and shouldn't I will drive you, and others, crazy...fast! If you want to learn to make tea, find out how to do it; read and research the subject. Then, gather your ingredients and supplies. Then make the tea. If it doesn't come out right, so what? You can try it again. The old saying, "Practice makes perfect" has been around a long time. Why? Because it's TRUE!
Remember that your self-esteem is a measure of how much you think you're worth; not the frog (or human) sitting next to you. Set your own expectations of who you want to be, and then do everything you can to live up to those expectations. Self-esteem takes practice, self-compassion, and patience. But you can get there!