Yesterday, I started to tell you about my lesson with Dharma Frog. His message this week was about self-compassion as a means of improving our negative body images. Dharma know how much I love scientific fact so he was quick to point out that there is a great deal of scientific research to back up his postulation. at Dharma discussed with me. The following three studies are evidence that back up Dharma's belief.
1.  Self-compassion helps self esteem.  Researchers recruited women ages 18 to 75 years old to report on their levels of self-compassion and self esteem, as well as factors that affected their self-worth. Additionally, they were asked about specific 'body-image avoidance behaviors.' Women with low self-esteem, those who based their self-worth on their appearance, engaged in more frequent  avoidance behavior. having higher levels of self-compassion tempered the relationship between low self-esteem and avoidance behaviors. This suggests that self-compassion can help to protect women who might otherwise develop even more serious body-image issues. First author of the study Peta Stapleton says, "Self-compassion is almost a panacea to low self-esteem. If you start learning to love and be compassionate towards yourself, it is hard to keep having low body esteem.” Self-compassion may be helpful in reducing negative coping mechanisms at any age. This is important because woman who learn to hate their bodies at an early age tend to hang onto their hatred for life. “Self-compassion is an under-utilized treatment in clinical programs for eating disorders and could be an answer to helping people recover faster…and earlier,” says Stapleton.
2.  Self-kindness for men and boys.  But self-compassion isn't only tied to body image in women and girls. Another study suggests that it can work the same way for both sexes. A group of teenage boys and girls were asked to report on their levels of self-compassion, their perceived weight status (from underweight to obese), how satisfied they were with their appearance, and the degree to which they compared their appearance to others'. researchers found, in analyzing the data that higher levels of self-compassion were associated with more positive body image for both males and females, although the patterns weren't identical. With the boys, only one aspect of self-compassion - greater self-kindness-seemed related to how they felt about their looks. Mindful awareness and the recognition that everyone struggles didn't seem to influence how the boys felt about themselves. So although self-compassion seems to affect boys a little differently than girls. self-kindness was the the most important factor in both groups. Rachel Rodgers, the study author, says that self-compassion seemed tied to a "reduced tendency to compare oneself with others. The process of comparing your appearance to that of other people generally results in the establishment of unfavorable comparisons."
3.  Self-compassion vs. social media.  In the last study, researchers conducted another kind of experiment to see how different kinds of social media images affected women's feelings about their bodies. A group of young women were asked to view five minutes of one of four types of images: fitspiration - young women with good muscle tone; self-compassion quotes against a neutral background like flowers or geometric designs; fitspiration images with self-compassion quotes super-imposed over them, and neutral images of interior designs. Then the women were asked to fill out questionnaires regarding slef-compassion, mood, and body image. The group who viewed the "fitspiration" images had no worse moods, self-compassion, or body image than those who viewed the neutral images. The women who viewed the self-compassion quotes had significantly better moods, more self-compassion, and better body image than those who viewed the neutral images.  This effect was greater in those women who embraced the ideal of a thin body. And the group who viewed the "fitspiration" images super-imposed with the self-compassion quotes also had better moods, more self-compassion, and better body image...suggesting that the self-compassion quotes helped override the negativity that could be associated with just the "fitspiration" images.
After my wise teacher the Dharma Frog, left yesterday I stood in front of my full-length mirror. I forced myself to take a really good look at myself. And although I was still a little unhappy about my appearance, I knew that by changing my self-talk I could change my attitude about myself. We all tend to get down on ourselves now and then. So it's important for both men and women to remember to be kind to themselves. After all, we're perfectly perfect just the way we are, regardless of weight, body shape, color, or age. Beauty truly is in the eyes of the beholder. And beholder is YOU!
Peace. 

I'm back after my short vacation and, I must admit, I really missed having Dharma Frog stop by my lily pad. I didn't realize how much I rely on his company and this messages to see me through my difficult times. Like now. Most everyone eats too much when they're on holiday and I'm no exception. I ate and ate and ate. Now I'm feeling really bad about the weight I've put on. To add insult to injury, I noticed in the mirror this morning that I have even more wrinkles than ever. And my usually smooth skin was looking pretty bumpy. All-in-all, I'm not happy with what I saw reflected back at me. Just as I was beginning to feel really down, I hear a thump and realized that Dharma was already here. After a quick "hello," I scrambled to put the tea kettle on and a couple of muffins in the oven to warm.
"You look a little down today, my boy," Dharma remarked. "I was expecting you to be much happier since you had a nice little get-away." "Sir", I replied." I was expecting to feel happier, too, but I ate too much and now I'm kicking myself. I'm down in the dumps because I allowed myself to get fat! My skin is wrinkly and, if that's not enough, I have all these bumps on my skin. I look absolutely terrible! What's happened to me?"
By now, the tea was ready and the muffins nicely warmed. I set the table and we sat down to eat our little meal. If I ever needed a lesson from Dharma, it was this morning. I was really feeling bad about myself. "Irwin," he said, "a wise frog speaks to himself like a cherished friend, with love, care, and respect. I hear how you're beating yourself up over these few unwanted pounds and the natural changes that occur with aging. Is that how you'd talk to me if I was feeling like this? Or to your best friend?" Absolutely not!" I shot back. "You know me better than that!" "Well, then, why do speak to yourself that way? Don't you like and respect yourself, Tadpole?" And so began my lesson for the week. 
These days human women, and men, are encouraged to lose weight, buff up, shed wrinkles, and dye their grey hair...all in an effort to look younger.  People are bombarded every day with images of "beautiful young things" on social media and are given many "opportunities" to compare themselves to others. In some cases, this need to be seen as thin and beautiful can lead to eating disorders which may be deadly. But there is lots of good news. Knowing how much I like good scientific evidence, Dharma tells me that some researchers are looking into new ways to counteract all these negative cultural messages and improve our own body images with self-compassion and increased self-love.
Self-compassion, I'm reminded, involves mindful awareness of our thoughts and feelings, coupled with kindness towards ourselves. It also involves recognition and acceptance of our flaws. Self-compassion, it turns out, is related to resilience and well-being. And it can be useful, researches have found, in combatting depression and anxiety. Three new studies have shown that self-compassion can help both women and men see their bodies in a more positive light. 
This is such a weighty topic and Dharma's message was so important, that I'll be writing about it in two parts. Tomorrow, in the meat and bones of Dharma's lesson, we'll look at how self-compassion helps self-esteem, self-kindness for men and boys, and self-compassion versus social media. As always, Dharma's timing is perfect. I really needed this lesson now and, perhaps, if you're struggling a bit with your own self-image, it can help you, too.
I hope you'll hop back here tomorrow for Part 2. I can promise you, it'll be good. 
​Until then, I wish you peace.

My iPod is filled with happy music. it makes me feel great an I find I'm more active when I listen to it. Although I love all kinds of music, I've noticed that they don't all have the same effect on me. I wondered if this was really the case and, it turns, out it is.
​Creative thinking is needed more and more these days. Not only do businesses demand it but the complex social situations of modern times require it, as well.But is creativity limited to artistic geniuses? No, says modern scientists. According to research, everyone has the cognitive capacity to come up with new and creative ideas. That's good news for both humans and us frogs! Scientists call this ability "divergent thinking." When we can all select from a series of ideas that will be the most successful, that is called "convergent thinking." 
Although not everyone can be equally accomplished at these kinds of thinking, we can become more skillful in creative problem-solving. How? One study explored how music can help us become more creative. Music has been shown to improve cognition and enhance learning and memory. So it makes sense that it can have an impact on creative thinking, as well. In one experiment, the participants tried creativity exercises that measured divergent and convergent thinking in five different scenarios; silence (the control group), or classical music that evoked either happy, sad, calm or anxious emotional states. Researchers found that the group who listened to the "happy" classical music had significantly higher scores on divergent thinking than those who performed in silence. The "happy" participants came up with more total ideas and more creative and innovative ideas. The other types of music had no impact. 
The results suggest that listening to happy music increases performance on overall divergent thinking. This suggests the authors of the study say, that happy music enhances the cognitive flexibility needed to come up with innovative solutions. What I found interesting, was that it didn't matter if the participants even liked the music they were listening to; it had a positive impact on all of the participants in that group. Too, none of the music types had any impact on convergent thinking. "The increase in divergent but not convergent thinking after listening to happy music may be explained by the fact that the convergent tasks rely less on fluency and flexibility, but on finding one correct answer,” write the authors.
It may also have something to do with the mood created by happy music. According to researcher Barbara Fredrickson, "happiness is considered a positive emotion that broadens our mindset and enhances our desire to explore and play." Whatever the case may be, humans may want to listen to happy music while they work, especially if that work involves coming up with new ways of looking at a problem. "As the authors conclude, 'music listening may be useful to promote creative thinking in inexpensive and efficient ways in various scientific, educational, and organizational settings when creative thinking is needed'.”
I regularly listen to the tunes on my iPod as I write these blogs. That may explain why some of them are so long. The music gets my creativity flowing and I can't stop writing! Anyway, dear reader, thanks for reading and I hope you have some happy music of your own to listen to. It can seem as if today's world has gone completely crazy. We need all the creativity we can muster up to help get it back on track.
Peace.

,I love to read. But lately I haven't had time to do much of that. So I packed up a few of my childhood favorites and took them with me on my vacation. As a children's author myself, I appreciate good stories for kids. But the reason I took along these particular books is that they have a deeper meaning than what you might first think. So while the kiddos are enjoying the superficial tales in these books, the adults can get down to the meat and bones of these classics. C.S. Lewis once said, "A children's story which is enjoyed only by children is a bad children's story." The books I've mentioned here are clearly aimed at "children" of all ages.
1.  Charlotte"s Web by E.B. White is a sad and melancholy story, that's not typical for a children's book. The subject of Charlotte's Web is one of death and rebirth. It is about as adult as you can get. I don't think there are many of us can read this story with several tissues or a hankie close at hand.
2.  A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle appeals to children who yearn for more than just adventure but also want that sense of wonder at the universe and our place in it. And guess what? Adults love it for all those same reasons, too! Let's not forget the health benefits of awe and wonderment. It's fun to read and can make us feel better, as well. This is truly a tale that has no age limit. And FYI. It is about to become a major movie event starring Oprah Winfrey.
​3.  Watership Down by Richard Adams can, arguably, be called an adult book. But it is a book about a universe where rabbits talk, have agency, and possess a complex and thoughtful culture. (Hey, if we frogs can do it, then I say why not rabbits?) Young readers gravitate to the idea that these cute furry bunnies can band together and have adventures. They might not recognize the terrible dangers the rabbits find themselves in, but adults will quickly see the terrifying threat of death that looms over every page as they flee their doomed warren in search of a safe place to live. This is as good as any "adult" fantasy novel out there. Just be sure to share it with your kids because they will love it, too.
4.  Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl is a seemingly light-hearted children's trip through the world of a candy factory. Charlies invites the children to tour his magical candy factory but is really interested in finding an heir to inherit it. The story has a touch of darkness to it that is largely unseen by children readers. They see the children who are eliminated from the tour as being nothing more than wacky fun. Author Dahl expertly weaves the deeper themes of colonialism, madness, and isolation into a story that is hilarious and fun to read. Rereading this book, decades after your first encounter will give you a whole new perspective on the tale you loved as a kid.
Other children's books worth a second look are Harry Potter (of course), The Chronicles of Narnia, Peter and Wendy, and The Beach at Night.
I had a fabulous time on my vacation but I'm happy to be back at my computer doing what I love to do. And that's writing interesting blogs for all my wonderful readers. See you back here tomorrow!

This is a busy week for all my friends and readers in the US. The Wednesday before Thanksgiving is, traditionally, the busiest travel day of year in the States and then the day after Thanksgiving is Black Friday when all the stores offer deeply discounted merchandise. It is the official 'kick off" to the Christmas shopping season. With so many of my friends and readers going off on holiday this week, I thought I'd take a little time off myself.  But before I pack up for a few days of much needed rest, I thought it might be fun to give everyone a few "fun facts" about this much beloved family holiday.
1. The first thanksgiving was held in 1621 and was attended by 50 Pilgrims and 90 Wampanoag Indians (and possibly a few frogs). The festivities lasted three days. Many historians believe that there were only five women present at this first Thanksgiving. Why? Because many of the original Pilgrim women didn't survive that first horrible winter.
2. Thanksgiving didn't become a holiday until over 200 years later. Sarah J. Hale, the woman who penned the song "Mary Had a Little Lamb" convinced President Abraham Lincoln in 1863 to make Thanksgiving a national holiday after writing letters for 17 years campaigning for this to happen.
3.  No turkey was offered on the first Thanksgiving Day menu. What did they serve? Venison, ducks, geese, oysters, lobster, eel, and fish. It was probably the first "surf and turf" meal to be served. And pumpkins? They did probably eat pumpkin but not as pie.
4.   There were no forks at the first Thanksgiving. They hadn't been invented yet! All the Pilgrims had were spoons and knives. The first forks didn't come into existence for another ten years and weren't a popular eating utensil until the 18th century.
5.  Thanksgiving was supposed to be a fast. Yep, that's right. The Pilgrims intended for their celebration of the first bountiful harvest to be a fast. That was until the Wampanoag Indians showed up. Luckily, they turned the Pilgrim's fast into a three-day feast! A day of fasting wouldn't be nearly as much fun to celebrate. Thank you, Wampanoags!
6.  Thanksgiving is the reason we have TV dinners. In 1953 the food company Swanson had so much leftover turkey...260 tons!...that a salesman suggested packaging it in aluminum trays, along with other side dishes and, voilà! The TV dinner was born.
7.  Why is Thanksgiving the fourth Thursday in November? President Abe Lincoln declared that every year, the fourth Thursday in November would be celebrated as Thanksgiving. But in 1939. President Roosevelt moved it up a week, hoping to boost shopping during the Depression era. It never caught on and, two years later, was switched back.
8.  Wild turkeys can run 20 miles per hour when scared. Domesticated turkeys which tend to be heavier, can't run that fast.
9.  Benjamin Franklin wanted the turkey to America's national bird, not the bald eagle.
10. Astronauts Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin's first meal in space, after walking on the moon, were  foil packages of roast turkey.

I hope you enjoyed these facts and trivia. Beginning tomorrow morning, Wednesday, I will be on holiday until the 26th of November. I will be back at my keyboard bright and early On Monday the 27th. I hope you'll come back and join me once again.
Until then, the Tea Toad, Dharma Frog, and I wish each and every one of a beautiful and thankful week ahead.
                                                                        Peace

The fourth Thursday in November is Thanksgiving Day in the United States. One of the most common customs is to go around the table before dinner is served and ask each person what they are grateful for. But no matter where you live, being grateful is a practice that is particularly meaningful at this time of year. Author Robert Emmons claims in his book, Gratitude Works! that writing one sentence about five things we're grateful for is less beneficial than writing five sentences about one thing we are grateful for. In a 10-week gratitude journaling study, it was found that those participants who wrote in more detail about one thing were less tired, lethargic, and sad, and were more alert, happier, and excited about their lives than those who wrote in less detail. This leads researchers to believe that it isn't the quantity of things we are grateful for but the quality of that gratitude that counts most. So how can we work on having more authentic gratitude? Here are four tips that can help you this Thanksgiving...or any time of year.
1. Take time to think before giving thanks. Sure, we can all rattle off a few obvious things we're grateful for. But what about those smaller, yet still important things that don't immediately bubble to to surface of our consciousness? Taking time to really think about the bountiful life you have helps being grateful easier. No, you needn't have a lot of money or possessions to lead a bountiful life. As Jack Kornfield, noted author and spiritual teacher reminds us, "Gratitude is a gracious acknowledgment of all that sustains us, a bow to our blessings, great and small, an appreciation of the moments of good fortune that sustain our life every day,” This includes the animals, plants, insects (yes, even them), sky, sea, fire, water and Mother Earth. Don't forget to include these things in your gratitude.
2.  Imagine yourself all alone. Whether or not you're at a Thanksgiving Day table, it can be helpful in finding authentic gratitude, to imagine yourself all alone. Without friends or family, how would your life be? Think about each of the people you are close to. How did you meet them? If they're family, what is your earliest memory of them? Think about all the events that they've been a part of. What would your life be without this person? The feelings that surface as you ask yourself these questions...that is authentic gratitude.
3.  Write a gratitude letter to each person from the above exercise. Don't worry about the grammar and spelling. Just let your true, authentic thoughts flow. Let them know what they mean to you, how they've enriched your life. Be sure and mention specific events or incidents where their behavior and/or actions had a positive impact on you. These letters needn't be pages and pages long. In fact, try to keep them under 300 words. Then deliver your letters, in person if you can.
4.  After Thankings dinner, take a walk, then give thanks over dessert. Even if you're not celebrating this holiday, it can be beneficial, whenever you're dining with loved ones, to take a walk after a large meal. Not only does walking aid digestion (which makes room for the yummy dessert) but it can reveal the beauty of nature if you're in the country. Live in the city? Admire the elegant and interesting architecture. Notice the many, varied faces of the people you pass.  Then, when you sit back down at the table and give thanks, these things can become sources of gratitude and are ones that you might have otherwise overlooked.
Although we don't celebrate Thanksgiving in Land of Lily Pad, I do like to use this time of year to review and renew my gratitude for family, friends, and the beautiful and bountiful place where I live. No matter what circumstances we live in or how challenging our lives might be, there is always lots to be grateful for. Simply look around.
William Arthur Ward, one of America's most-quoted authors once said, "Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it."
​                                                 Gift your gift of gratitude today.

Saturday, November 18 is a special day for girls of every age. It is National Princess Day, a day to roll out the red carpet and bestow a little pageantry on the girls in your life. I don't have sisters, but I do have female cousins, aunts, and a mom. And they've all told me that, at one time or another, they've dreamed of being a princess. And I'm willing to bet, they all still do, even if only secretly. But why is that; what is it about the princess that draws in girls? I did a little research on the princess fantasy and found some interesting answers.
Whether you're old enough to remember Princess Grace and Princess Diana, or if you're idea of a real princess is Kate Middleton, the fascination with royals will never go away. They've been the subject of stories and movies for ever, it seems.  At age three or four, is when most young girls begin to identify with princesses. She'll want a tiara, the glittery shoes and, of course, the big flouncy dress. From this age on, the Princess Fantasy never really dies.
Feminism has tried to destruct the princess myth and has chocked it up to a form of hypnotism designed to "seduce women into marriage and passivity, by teaching them that their real life doesn't begin until they get that kiss from the handsome prince." But if you look closely at the princess archetype, the feminists have it all wrong. Princesses are historically about power and the recognition of the "true self," much the way young boys are fascinated with action heroes. What other feminine role can issue a single sentence and have the world at their feet? Princesses, both real and imaginary, can command an army, break open a treasury or, with just their mere presence, bestow magic and and a sense of excitement on their world around them. That's pretty powerful stuff! Princesses are more benevolent than, say, pop stars, are are generally much better behaved.  They wield more power than female politicians and are certainly better dressed! Whereas fashion models are seen as disposable, princesses are enduring...their magic lasting far beyond their mortal life. They aren't as stressed out, either, as today's corporate women are. What girl today, having few other worthy role models to follow, wouldn't chose to be a princess?
Princess Diana has been analyzed for decades, but very few researchers have given her credit for being a genuine subversive to Britain's class system. Even today, most people still focus only on her beauty, but there is so much more to her. She saw her role as an opportunity to use her voice and her status to make lives better for many in her homeland of Great Britain, but also well beyond those borders. She was not conventionally well-educated, yet was smart and analytical. She saw a need and used her position to make significant changes in Britain's rigid class-system.
The job description of princess  has changed through the years. It no longer viewed as a backseat position to King, Queen, and Prince...where her only job is to look beautiful. Princessing today is a good, but hard-working job and requires the tiara-wearer to juggle many balls and balance a career, motherhood, and social activities...just like any other working woman. So let's give a big cheer for all the young, and no-longer-young princesses and princess-wannabees!  There are certainly worse aspirations.
How to celebrate this weekend? Get your princess's "ballgown" out of the mothballs, dust of her glittery shoes, and roll out the red carpet. Bring a smile to her face. Treat her to a day of activities befitting HRH (Her Royal Highness). And don't forget to use #NationalPrincessDay on all your social media.
PS. Please remember to treat your adult princess with extra love and attention, too. Just because a girl is grown up, doesn't mean she's given up the princess dream. This weekend, show her she'll always be royalty to you.
"Behaving like a princess is work. It's not just about looking beautiful or wearing a crown. It's more about how you are inside." ~ Julie Andrews
"Kissing the frog to get the handsome prince, is a waste of a perfectly good frog."
~ Cameron Diaz. And I couldn't agree more! Have a great weekend, everybody.

It's getting really easy for all of us to see the worst in our fellow species. All we need do is turn on the news and we're bombarded by stories of violence and hatred towards one another. We can become, if we're not careful, pessimistic and suspicious of everyone around us. But there is good news! An ever-growing body of research is showing that frogs and humans alike, want to help others and in doing so will make their own life more pleasurable and fulfilling. So what are these studies that seem completely counter-intuitive to what we see on the news? Here are five of my favorites.
1.  When we are grateful, we want to pay it forward. A study done at Northeastern University has found that people really do want to pay forward any kindness that was shown to them. The reason is gratitude. When we feel grateful for the kindness of others, we want to help someone else.
2.   When we help others, we feel happier. A study done by psychologist Elizabeth Dunn and her colleagues, showed that when we have a little extra money, we are happier when we spend it on someone else rather than on ourselves. Taking your extra change at the end of the day and donating it to charity, or buying a meal for someone homeless, not only benefits the recipient but you, the giver, as well.
3.   Connections with others make life more meaningful. Psychologist Carol Ryff, known for her work in eudaimonic well-being (our sense that life is meaningful and has a purpose) tells us that human relationships with others is key to having a meaningful life. Her study shows that taking time to give a helping hand to someone in need or to express our gratitude to someone who has helped us, can actually make our life more meaningful.  I'm getting the warm-fuzzies already!
4.   Supporting others is linked to a longer life. Stephanie Brown, a psychologist, and her colleagues investigated whether helping others could lead to a longer life. She asked study participants how much of their time they spent helping others. Over five years, she found that those who spent the most time helping others had the lowest risk of mortality. It appears that supporting others will, in turn, help us life a longer, happier life. In 2013, one-quarter of all US adults volunteered, and most adults spent time informally helping someone else.
5.   It's possible to become more empathetic. Goodness knows we can use more empathy in the world so this study is my favorite of all of them. Carol Dweck of Stamford University in California, has found that mindsets actually have an impact on how empathetic we are. Growth mindset means that we believe we can become better at something with effort. Empathy, it turns out, is affected by this growth mindset. In other words, if we believe we can become more empathetic with a little effort, we actually can! Dweck's studies explain that empathy is a choice. "Empathy isn't something that only a few people have the capacity for," she says, "we all have the ability to become more empathetic."
I don't know about you, but I know that I feel better about the state of the world already. Knowing that humans (and frogs too) are basically good and caring makes me fear watching the news a lot less. Bad news sells. This can be a hard fact to swallow. But ever notice how most newscasts lead off with some horror story but they always seem to end their segment with something bright and positive? If they presented the news in reverse, their ratings would plummet.  I try to remember this whenever I start to feel down about the state of world affairs. These "goodness" studies have helped to restore my faith in humanity. I hope they will do the same for you.
​Until tomorrow, I wish you PEACE.

It's hard to believe, but here we are at another Wednesday. My beloved friend and teacher, The Dharma Frog, came today for my weekly life lesson. I had had a hard day yesterday and wasn't in the mood to cook so I went to the local bakery and purchased a selection of elegant pastries to go with our tea, Just as I had gotten the table set and breakfast goodies laid out on a tray, Dharma hopped onto my lily pad. He looked a little tired so before I even wished him "Good morning," I poured him a cup of his favorite tea. It seems he's also had a long and tiring week.
"Thank you, Irwin, tea always makes me feel better and you have learned how to make it well." "Thank you, Sir," I replied as I passed the tray of pastries to him.  While he picked at his food, he began my lesson, "Son, everywhere you go today, you see frogs criticizing each other for this and that. There's constant bickering and finger-pointing. It's rampant, even on the evening news. I understand that this is a big problem in the human world, as well. Today's lesson is this: A frog's tongue can be more poisonous than a bee's sting. We all have critical thoughts about one another but many of us don't keep these critical thoughts to ourselves. Those frogs, and humans, mistakenly believe that offering their opinions will help the other "misguided" soul to see the light of say. But rarely does that ever work. In reality, Tadpole, those criticisms make things worse and are hypocritical." Dharma explained, "Constructive criticism is fine in the workplace but has little value elsewhere. We are learning that criticizing friends and family can wreak havoc on love and trust. it is believed by many experts on the subject that criticism might actually be interpreted by the brain as a threat to our survival. It can activate the fight-or-flight response." As Dharma spoke, I thought about my own reaction to criticism and it does often make me want to run away....or pick a fight with my accuser. Little brother Quigley acts the same way when I nag at him, too. Perhaps he's on to something...
"Sir," I asked, "does this mean we have to fume in silence if we don't like another's behavior?" "Not at all, Little One," he replied,"what I'm getting at is that we each need to remember that the only frog we can control is ourselves. When we feel the need to criticize others, it's because we know we need to identify the places that need changing in our own lives." Dharma then explained to me that before we jump on our urge to criticize someone else, we need to slow down, take a deep breath and ask ourselves these three important questions first.
1.  How am I guilty of the thing I'm criticizing? You may often criticize your loved one for, let's say, leaving their dirty laundry on the floor. You would never do that! But, if you stop and think about it, do you often leave the shared car full of trash and leftover fast food bags or leave the bathroom in a mess after your shower? Finding our own flaws can help to take the proverbial "wind out of our sails." It then becomes easier to replace judgment with empathy.
2.  What is my "real" problem? There's a spy technique called 'walk back the cat.' This means to retrace the chain of events to figure out how one thing led to another. When you want to criticize another, think about what is really motivating the complaint. Why here? Why now? You may find out that your complaint is hiding an unhealed emotional wound within yourself. The third question is this.
​3.  Where can I offer my understanding?  You may know by know that criticizing ourselves is about as useless as criticizing someone else. If you "walk back the cat," you will discover that there's someone inside of you who is buried deep in the " rubble of condemnation, filled with pain and fear."  healing begins by noticing that our suffering is real and to allow ourselves to feel that pain. When we can do this, love and acceptance of others, and their pain and fears, will overtake the need to continue with our "self-righteous yapping."
Dharma and I finished up our meal and as I began clearing the table, I remembered that it had been a long time since I thank him for his invaluable lessons. I really was truly grateful for the all his years of service. he's taught me so much. I can't think of anyone who is kinder or wiser than Dharma! So I gave him a big hug and thanked him profusely. he seemed almost embarrassed by this sudden display of affection. But, truth be known, Dharma is very important to me. After he left me, I sat down to finish off the last of the tea and began mulling over today's lesson. I am guilty of criticizing others, often for things they have little control over. I now know that it is really me I am criticizing and that the time has come for some deep introspection. I am not perfect, yet I expect others to be. learning to be a little more tolerant of others, and of myself will, I know, go along way in improving my life and my relationships.
​Peace.

One thing I can give we frogs a big credit for is that we are open to learning things from other cultures. Green frogs, like me, don't necessarily think we no more than, say, the poisonous dart frogs. We each have things we contribute to the world. Unfortunately, not all humans are as open. For many, they believe that their culture and their people know everything. I recently read an article about three Japanese words that lead to a happier life. Since one of my main goals in writing this blog is to help humans be happier, healthier, and to lead a more compassionate life, I will share these simple words with you in the hope that they will benefit you.
The first word is "Ikigai." The French might call it raison d'être...your reason for living.  Some humans find their Ikigai early on, while others seemingly never find it. The truth is, our ikigai is always within us. But even though it is there, deep inside, it still requires a patient search. The Island of Okinawa has more centenarians than any other place on earth. And if you ask them, our ikigai is the reason we get up in the morning. It is believed that having a clear sense of your ikigai will bring you happiness, satisfaction, and meaning to your life. People in Japan remain active long after retirement. Why? Because they have a sense of purpose...they have ikigai. In fact, the Japanese language doesn't have a word that means retirement...at least not in the sense of "leaving the workforce for good." For them, that idea just simply doesn't exist. 
The second word is actually a saying and is one of the most common in Japan. It is, "Hara hachi bu." Roughly translated it means, "Fill your belly to 80%" and is repeated before or after eating a meal. Ancient wisdom advises us against overeating. Okinawans eat only until they feel their belly is at 80% capacity. Overeating wears down the body with long digestive processes that accelerate cellular oxidation. Since there is no way to scientifically know when our tummies reach 80% full, the best way is to stop before you are just beginning to feel full. Overeating may give us some pleasure in the short-term but they won't help with living a longer, happier life. Use restraint. In the world of cooking, chefs know that we first eat with our eyes. They understand the importance of making food look attractive and appealing. The Japanese take this one step further and serve their meals on many small dishes. Japanese meals are smaller than they are in many Western cultures. But, it can look like you're getting more. Typically, their meals are served on five plates presented on a single tray. Four plates are small, with the fifth plate (the main course) being slightly larger. Looking at five plates of food can make us feel like we're getting a lot of food when we're not actually eating a lot. Okinawans have a body mass index of between 18 and 22. In the US, it can be 26 or 27. The practice of hara hachi bu is ancient. It seems that perhaps Buddhists understood the value of limiting caloric intake as far back as the 12th century...maybe even earlier.
The third, and final, word is Moai.  Moai is a sort of community. it is a group of people with common interests who look out for one another. For many, serving their community (moai) is part of their ikigai. members of the moai set aside a monthly contribution for the group. This monthly payment, a form of club dues, allows them to participate in meetings, dine, and play games...or whatever hobby they have in common. Although the funds collected are used for activities, a portion of the surplus money is given to a member which is usually decided on a rotation basis.  In this way, the moai helps maintain emotional and financial well-being of its members. Should a member be experiencing financial difficulties, they are able to get an advance from the group's savings. Some groups are more prosperous than others, but even the poorest of the groups can offer their members a sense of belonging and the gift of a little financial support when it is needed most. Well-being and security help increase life expectancy.
I've learned a great deal from our Japanese friends. Their wisdom resonates within me. I figure that the Okinawans must be on to something. No one wants to live to be 100 if those years are unhappy and without a sense of purpose. But they thrive and live long and happy lives. Ikigai, Hara hachi bu, and Moai are my three new favorite words. And you dear readers, are considered both my ikigai and my moai.
​Peace.