Have you ever had a problem that you just couldn't seem to solve? I know I have and I bet that nearly everyone has found themselves in the same boat. I recently read where the problem isn't really the problem, it's the question we are asking. We aren't looking at the bigger, or underlying, question and that is why we have such trouble solving it.
As an example here's a commonly asked question, "How do I make more friends?" As research is beginning to show, just because it has a question mark at the en of it, doesn't necessarily make it a question. Confused? Me to, until I saw where the experts were headed...
If you drop the "How do I" part of the question, you are left wih a decarative statement, "make more friends." Then, ask yourself, what is the real question, if the answer is make more friends? There are many possibilities, right?
How do I find more companionship?How might I get taken care of/supported more? How might I improve my social life? You can, no doubt, think of many more question that "make more friends" could answer. And each question could have multiple answers, in addition to "make new friends." Here's a new way to reframe the question. What would it do for me if I made new friends? Your answer might be, I believe it would give me more companionship so I would feel less lonely." So, armed with this new question (feel less lonely) you then find there are multiple answers. You could; 1. Take a class. 2. Join a club with others who have similar interests. 3. Learn how to do do something new. 4. Do some volunteer work. 5. Join a gym....The possibilities are endless! All of these answers would make you feel less lonely and would also offer you the opportunity to make new friends. You are no longer stuck with a single answer! Pretty ingenius, eh?
For this new solution to work, you do have to be honest with yourself about what you REALLY want. Don't just hang on to your original question because it feels safe. You have to dig a little deeper. We all have the habit of rationalizing our behaviors...especially the ones that don't work! We never want to label them as excuses. No! They're NOT excuses...they're good solid reasons. But we truly know, at that inner level, that they really are excuses. Excuses often come from fear; fear of change, or fear of looking at what is the real problem(s) in our life.
You can use this solution any time you are stuck with finding a solution to any question that you are losing sleep over. If you genuinely look at the "Bigger Picture" you'll soon have not only your answer, but you'll also get a bonus "Aha!" moment. And its those moments that help us grow, become better frogs (and humans), abd find a happier version of ourselves.
As an example here's a commonly asked question, "How do I make more friends?" As research is beginning to show, just because it has a question mark at the en of it, doesn't necessarily make it a question. Confused? Me to, until I saw where the experts were headed...
If you drop the "How do I" part of the question, you are left wih a decarative statement, "make more friends." Then, ask yourself, what is the real question, if the answer is make more friends? There are many possibilities, right?
How do I find more companionship?How might I get taken care of/supported more? How might I improve my social life? You can, no doubt, think of many more question that "make more friends" could answer. And each question could have multiple answers, in addition to "make new friends." Here's a new way to reframe the question. What would it do for me if I made new friends? Your answer might be, I believe it would give me more companionship so I would feel less lonely." So, armed with this new question (feel less lonely) you then find there are multiple answers. You could; 1. Take a class. 2. Join a club with others who have similar interests. 3. Learn how to do do something new. 4. Do some volunteer work. 5. Join a gym....The possibilities are endless! All of these answers would make you feel less lonely and would also offer you the opportunity to make new friends. You are no longer stuck with a single answer! Pretty ingenius, eh?
For this new solution to work, you do have to be honest with yourself about what you REALLY want. Don't just hang on to your original question because it feels safe. You have to dig a little deeper. We all have the habit of rationalizing our behaviors...especially the ones that don't work! We never want to label them as excuses. No! They're NOT excuses...they're good solid reasons. But we truly know, at that inner level, that they really are excuses. Excuses often come from fear; fear of change, or fear of looking at what is the real problem(s) in our life.
You can use this solution any time you are stuck with finding a solution to any question that you are losing sleep over. If you genuinely look at the "Bigger Picture" you'll soon have not only your answer, but you'll also get a bonus "Aha!" moment. And its those moments that help us grow, become better frogs (and humans), abd find a happier version of ourselves.
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